| Author |
 Topic  |
|
RachelKnitter
Permanent Resident
USA
2995 Posts |
 Posted - 11/12/2004 : 3:55:34 PM
|
I'm working on Butterfly from the new Jane Ellison Noro Knits book, and started laughing so hard I was crying as I read the absurdly worded instructions for the sleeve and neckline shaping.
Here's how it sounded to me:
Decrease one stitch at each end while decreasing two stitches in the middle of the next and each of 5 following 3rd and 4th rows, and also the 2nd rows, but only on the Sabbath and in the presence of the 2nd born of a litter of 4 kittens. AT THE SAME TIME, decrease 4 stitches on every 5th row for the next 30 rows while counting backwards from 354. You will have either 20 or 63 stitches left on your needle.
Let's be merciless and tell these pattern-writers exactly what we think of them!  |
|
|
kdcrowley
Permanent Resident
USA
4773 Posts |
Posted - 11/12/2004 : 5:03:22 PM
|
quote:
Originally posted by RachelKnitter
I'm working on Butterfly from the new Jane Ellison Noro Knits book, and started laughing so hard I was crying as I read the absurdly worded instructions for the sleeve and neckline shaping.
Here's how it sounded to me:
Decrease one stitch at each end while decreasing two stitches in the middle of the next and each of 5 following 3rd and 4th rows, and also the 2nd rows, but only on the Sabbath and in the presence of the 2nd born of a litter of 4 kittens. AT THE SAME TIME, decrease 4 stitches on every 5th row for the next 30 rows while counting backwards from 354. You will have either 20 or 63 stitches left on your needle.
Let's be merciless and tell these pattern-writers exactly what we think of them!
Did it really include the references to sabbath and kittens......come on you added that!
Kelley
Everywhere you go, there you are! Imagine that.... |
 |
|
|
Knitmama
Seriously Hooked
USA
682 Posts |
Posted - 11/12/2004 : 5:38:06 PM
|
ROFL!!!
Rachel |
|
|
|
GFTC
Permanent Resident
USA
6331 Posts |
Posted - 11/12/2004 : 5:44:43 PM
|
quote:
Originally posted by RachelKnitter
You will have either 20 or 63 stitches left on your needle.
........either way, bind off loosely in pattern.........
I loved your post. I can't tell you how many patterns from the Rowan magazines I skipped because the instructions were ridiculous. |
|
|
|
Roxanne
Seriously Hooked
Canada
714 Posts |
Posted - 11/12/2004 : 6:04:55 PM
|
Cute Rachel...I thought it was only me who had an aching brain after reading some pattern instructions....LOL!
"Success is a Journey; not a Destination"
Finished Projects: http://photos.yahoo.com/roxanne_delorme
|
|
|
|
Hello Knitty
Permanent Resident
1069 Posts |
Posted - 11/12/2004 : 6:05:23 PM
|
| Don't even get me started!! But I nominate R2's firts issue for its sheer lunacy! But I'd still by the latest one if I could find it in Canada! |
|
|
|
Mary D.
Chatty Knitter
USA
257 Posts |
Posted - 11/12/2004 : 6:27:45 PM
|
| I just finished a cardigan with a very intricate diagonal aran design so I decided to choose a really simple pattern for my next project. It's a simple pullover with a cable down the center but the directions are horrible. And the math doesn't work out either. It was originally from a Swedish yarn company and I believe the pattern was poorly translated. That accounts for it being difficult to understand but that doesn't account for the math errors. I've started it 3 times now and am ready to throw in the towel. |
|
|
|
Susan T-O
Permanent Resident
USA
2481 Posts |
Posted - 11/12/2004 : 6:29:53 PM
|
Cast on 57 stitches using lefthanded fly fishing casting, unless you live at a ski resort, in which case you should use the cable car method. Knit twice into each third stitch, skipping stitches 1, 7, 11, and pink, being careful not to twist round. You should now have 15 stitches on your needle. Repeat from * until desired length is reached, unless you want it to be longer in which case bind off five stitches, then pick up four stitches along right edge. DO NOT TURN. Set oven for 350. Do the hokey pokey and turn yourself around. Switch to smaller needle for rows 18, 23, 25, 19, 31, and 27. Check gauge. Knit in garter stitch using continental method ONLY, as any other way of knitting is WRONG and I will have to come arrest you for violation of Knitting Penal Code Section 14.2(a). Bind off using long-tail cast on method. Serves 4.
--Susan T-O in Long Beach CA
"He that would make his own liberty secure must guard even his enemy from oppression." --Thomas Paine |
|
|
|
Boogie
Permanent Resident
USA
3073 Posts |
|
|
RachelKnitter
Permanent Resident
USA
2995 Posts |
Posted - 11/12/2004 : 6:53:18 PM
|
| Oh, Susan, I'm wiping tears from my eyes! |
|
|
|
~Jo~
Chatty Knitter
Canada
160 Posts |
Posted - 11/12/2004 : 8:05:13 PM
|
Susan, oh my goodness, I am almost spitting the coffee sip I took while reading your post. LOL!
p/s: I think you'd make a great pattern designer! 
~Jo~ mom of two
What am I up too now? |
|
|
|
Jane
SustaYning Member
USA
4293 Posts |
|
|
SusanT
Seriously Hooked
950 Posts |
Posted - 11/12/2004 : 8:10:19 PM
|
| Knitting comedy! Love it. |
|
|
|
shaggy
Permanent Resident
USA
4125 Posts |
Posted - 11/12/2004 : 8:22:15 PM
|
Soooooooo funny, thanks everyone for the laugh 
shaggy
Every day a peddler pulled his cart of wool from his home to the village market. It was a long trip. He had to travel around the perimeter of a large lake that was owned by the town tycoon, a modernday scrooge. One day during the winter the lake froze over. The peddler realized that he could cut off 2 miles from his trip if he crossed over the lake. He was spotted halfway across the lake by the tycoon. Scrooge came racing out of his mansion and screamed at the peddler, "I’ll be danged if I let anyone pull the wool over my ice!" |
|
|
|
twstdstchs
Chatty Knitter
178 Posts |
Posted - 11/12/2004 : 8:38:13 PM
|
HaHa...
Susan-you could be a professional! Sheryl |
|
|
|
jennywhite
Gabber Extraordinaire
USA
595 Posts |
Posted - 11/12/2004 : 10:36:34 PM
|
You guys are just too much!!
Susan- that pattern only served 3 for me. There must be a mistake in it somewhere.
~Jenny
___________________
Up and blogging: http://www.livejournal.com/users/craftynfoxy/ |
|
|
|
Atavistic
Permanent Resident
6604 Posts |
Posted - 11/12/2004 : 10:39:54 PM
|
Sitcom Chic's math still didn't add up even after Knitty "corrected" it.
“There is more than one way to burn a book. And the world is full of people running about with lit matches." Ray Bradbury |
|
|
|
mwyn
Permanent Resident
USA
1419 Posts |
Posted - 11/12/2004 : 11:09:38 PM
|
ROTFL whew ! wiping tears from my eyes
Wish it was as funny in real life. I've been using my 'instant gratification key' (e-mail) to notify whomever I can find when a couple of patterns in the same book (mag.) are poorly written. And also when they are well done; in my opinion. I think feedback is important & poor workmanship is unacceptable when there's a price on it.
One who works with his hands is a laborer. With hands & head; a craftsman. With hands, head & heart an artist. (Paraphrase St. Francis of Assissi) |
|
|
|
mamid
Permanent Resident
Canada
1568 Posts |
Posted - 11/13/2004 : 01:19:59 AM
|
Knit something while a cranky toddler is screaming for attention and a small babe is hanging off your boob at 2 am and those directions make perfect sense. ;)
Craftiness is Sanity |
|
|
|
luv2knit944
Permanent Resident
USA
1789 Posts |
Posted - 11/13/2004 : 04:30:20 AM
|
What else is new? Most patterns have mistakes or someyhing that you can't figure out, unless you're them (the designer).Sometimes I think that they expect us to know what they know.
Pauline |
|
|
|
shaggy
Permanent Resident
USA
4125 Posts |
Posted - 11/13/2004 : 05:59:28 AM
|
Rachel and Susan I do wish I had your knitting instructions framed
They would be on my wall in my knitting room
Hey maybe Clara can have something made up so we can buy them 
OH Clara Clara where are you
shaggy
Every day a peddler pulled his cart of wool from his home to the village market. It was a long trip. He had to travel around the perimeter of a large lake that was owned by the town tycoon, a modernday scrooge. One day during the winter the lake froze over. The peddler realized that he could cut off 2 miles from his trip if he crossed over the lake. He was spotted halfway across the lake by the tycoon. Scrooge came racing out of his mansion and screamed at the peddler, "I’ll be danged if I let anyone pull the wool over my ice!" |
|
|
|
Topic |
|
Topic Locked
