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RachelKnitter
Permanent Resident

USA
2995 Posts

Posted - 11/12/2004 :  3:55:34 PM  Show Profile Send RachelKnitter a Private Message
I'm working on Butterfly from the new Jane Ellison Noro Knits book, and started laughing so hard I was crying as I read the absurdly worded instructions for the sleeve and neckline shaping.

Here's how it sounded to me:
Decrease one stitch at each end while decreasing two stitches in the middle of the next and each of 5 following 3rd and 4th rows, and also the 2nd rows, but only on the Sabbath and in the presence of the 2nd born of a litter of 4 kittens. AT THE SAME TIME, decrease 4 stitches on every 5th row for the next 30 rows while counting backwards from 354. You will have either 20 or 63 stitches left on your needle.

Let's be merciless and tell these pattern-writers exactly what we think of them!

kdcrowley
Permanent Resident

USA
4773 Posts

Posted - 11/12/2004 :  5:03:22 PM  Show Profile  Visit kdcrowley's Homepage Send kdcrowley a Private Message
quote:
Originally posted by RachelKnitter

I'm working on Butterfly from the new Jane Ellison Noro Knits book, and started laughing so hard I was crying as I read the absurdly worded instructions for the sleeve and neckline shaping.

Here's how it sounded to me:
Decrease one stitch at each end while decreasing two stitches in the middle of the next and each of 5 following 3rd and 4th rows, and also the 2nd rows, but only on the Sabbath and in the presence of the 2nd born of a litter of 4 kittens. AT THE SAME TIME, decrease 4 stitches on every 5th row for the next 30 rows while counting backwards from 354. You will have either 20 or 63 stitches left on your needle.

Let's be merciless and tell these pattern-writers exactly what we think of them!



Did it really include the references to sabbath and kittens......come on you added that!

Kelley

Everywhere you go, there you are! Imagine that....
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Knitmama
Seriously Hooked

USA
682 Posts

Posted - 11/12/2004 :  5:38:06 PM  Show Profile Send Knitmama a Private Message
ROFL!!!

Rachel
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GFTC
Permanent Resident

USA
6331 Posts

Posted - 11/12/2004 :  5:44:43 PM  Show Profile  Visit GFTC's Homepage Send GFTC a Private Message
quote:
Originally posted by RachelKnitter
You will have either 20 or 63 stitches left on your needle.


........either way, bind off loosely in pattern.........

I loved your post. I can't tell you how many patterns from the Rowan magazines I skipped because the instructions were ridiculous.
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Roxanne
Seriously Hooked

Canada
714 Posts

Posted - 11/12/2004 :  6:04:55 PM  Show Profile  Visit Roxanne's Homepage Send Roxanne a Private Message
Cute Rachel...I thought it was only me who had an aching brain after reading some pattern instructions....LOL!

"Success is a Journey; not a Destination"
Finished Projects: http://photos.yahoo.com/roxanne_delorme
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Hello Knitty
Permanent Resident

1069 Posts

Posted - 11/12/2004 :  6:05:23 PM  Show Profile Send Hello Knitty a Private Message
Don't even get me started!! But I nominate R2's firts issue for its sheer lunacy! But I'd still by the latest one if I could find it in Canada!
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Mary D.
Chatty Knitter

USA
257 Posts

Posted - 11/12/2004 :  6:27:45 PM  Show Profile Send Mary D. a Private Message
I just finished a cardigan with a very intricate diagonal aran design so I decided to choose a really simple pattern for my next project. It's a simple pullover with a cable down the center but the directions are horrible. And the math doesn't work out either. It was originally from a Swedish yarn company and I believe the pattern was poorly translated. That accounts for it being difficult to understand but that doesn't account for the math errors. I've started it 3 times now and am ready to throw in the towel.
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Susan T-O
Permanent Resident

USA
2481 Posts

Posted - 11/12/2004 :  6:29:53 PM  Show Profile  Visit Susan T-O's Homepage Send Susan T-O a Private Message
Cast on 57 stitches using lefthanded fly fishing casting, unless you live at a ski resort, in which case you should use the cable car method. Knit twice into each third stitch, skipping stitches 1, 7, 11, and pink, being careful not to twist round. You should now have 15 stitches on your needle. Repeat from * until desired length is reached, unless you want it to be longer in which case bind off five stitches, then pick up four stitches along right edge. DO NOT TURN. Set oven for 350. Do the hokey pokey and turn yourself around. Switch to smaller needle for rows 18, 23, 25, 19, 31, and 27. Check gauge. Knit in garter stitch using continental method ONLY, as any other way of knitting is WRONG and I will have to come arrest you for violation of Knitting Penal Code Section 14.2(a). Bind off using long-tail cast on method. Serves 4.

--Susan T-O in Long Beach CA

"He that would make his own liberty secure must guard even his enemy from oppression." --Thomas Paine
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Boogie
Permanent Resident

USA
3073 Posts

Posted - 11/12/2004 :  6:52:50 PM  Show Profile  Visit Boogie's Homepage Send Boogie a Private Message
Bwwahhahaa
I swear I've read both of those directions before.

amy
http://theboogerblog.blogspot.com
http://www.spunkyhats.com
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RachelKnitter
Permanent Resident

USA
2995 Posts

Posted - 11/12/2004 :  6:53:18 PM  Show Profile Send RachelKnitter a Private Message
Oh, Susan, I'm wiping tears from my eyes!
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~Jo~
Chatty Knitter

Canada
160 Posts

Posted - 11/12/2004 :  8:05:13 PM  Show Profile  Visit ~Jo~'s Homepage Send ~Jo~ a Private Message
Susan, oh my goodness, I am almost spitting the coffee sip I took while reading your post. LOL!

p/s: I think you'd make a great pattern designer!

~Jo~ mom of two
What am I up too now?
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Jane
SustaYning Member

USA
4387 Posts

Posted - 11/12/2004 :  8:09:09 PM  Show Profile  Visit Jane's Homepage Send Jane a Private Message
Susan, you're killing me! Thanks for the fun, Rachel and everyone!

Jane

My album: http://mysite.verizon.net/vzenu0u9/
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SusanT
Seriously Hooked

950 Posts

Posted - 11/12/2004 :  8:10:19 PM  Show Profile Send SusanT a Private Message
Knitting comedy! Love it.
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shaggy
Permanent Resident

USA
4126 Posts

Posted - 11/12/2004 :  8:22:15 PM  Show Profile Send shaggy a Private Message
Soooooooo funny, thanks everyone for the laugh

shaggy

Every day a peddler pulled his cart of wool from his home to the village market. It was a long trip. He had to travel around the perimeter of a large lake that was owned by the town tycoon, a modernday scrooge. One day during the winter the lake froze over. The peddler realized that he could cut off 2 miles from his trip if he crossed over the lake. He was spotted halfway across the lake by the tycoon. Scrooge came racing out of his mansion and screamed at the peddler, "Iíll be danged if I let anyone pull the wool over my ice!"
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twstdstchs
Chatty Knitter

178 Posts

Posted - 11/12/2004 :  8:38:13 PM  Show Profile Send twstdstchs a Private Message
HaHa...
Susan-you could be a professional! Sheryl
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jennywhite
Gabber Extraordinaire

USA
595 Posts

Posted - 11/12/2004 :  10:36:34 PM  Show Profile  Visit jennywhite's Homepage Send jennywhite a Private Message
You guys are just too much!!
Susan- that pattern only served 3 for me. There must be a mistake in it somewhere.
~Jenny

___________________
Up and blogging: http://www.livejournal.com/users/craftynfoxy/
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Atavistic
Permanent Resident

6604 Posts

Posted - 11/12/2004 :  10:39:54 PM  Show Profile  Visit Atavistic's Homepage Send Atavistic a Private Message
Sitcom Chic's math still didn't add up even after Knitty "corrected" it.

ďThere is more than one way to burn a book. And the world is full of people running about with lit matches." Ray Bradbury
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mwyn
Permanent Resident

USA
1419 Posts

Posted - 11/12/2004 :  11:09:38 PM  Show Profile Send mwyn a Private Message
ROTFL whew ! wiping tears from my eyes

Wish it was as funny in real life. I've been using my 'instant gratification key' (e-mail) to notify whomever I can find when a couple of patterns in the same book (mag.) are poorly written. And also when they are well done; in my opinion. I think feedback is important & poor workmanship is unacceptable when there's a price on it.

One who works with his hands is a laborer. With hands & head; a craftsman. With hands, head & heart an artist. (Paraphrase St. Francis of Assissi)
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mamid
Permanent Resident

Canada
1568 Posts

Posted - 11/13/2004 :  01:19:59 AM  Show Profile  Send mamid a Yahoo! Message Send mamid a Private Message
Knit something while a cranky toddler is screaming for attention and a small babe is hanging off your boob at 2 am and those directions make perfect sense. ;)

Craftiness is Sanity
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luv2knit944
Permanent Resident

USA
1789 Posts

Posted - 11/13/2004 :  04:30:20 AM  Show Profile Send luv2knit944 a Private Message
What else is new? Most patterns have mistakes or someyhing that you can't figure out, unless you're them (the designer).Sometimes I think that they expect us to know what they know.

Pauline
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shaggy
Permanent Resident

USA
4126 Posts

Posted - 11/13/2004 :  05:59:28 AM  Show Profile Send shaggy a Private Message
Rachel and Susan I do wish I had your knitting instructions framed

They would be on my wall in my knitting room

Hey maybe Clara can have something made up so we can buy them


OH Clara Clara where are you

shaggy

Every day a peddler pulled his cart of wool from his home to the village market. It was a long trip. He had to travel around the perimeter of a large lake that was owned by the town tycoon, a modernday scrooge. One day during the winter the lake froze over. The peddler realized that he could cut off 2 miles from his trip if he crossed over the lake. He was spotted halfway across the lake by the tycoon. Scrooge came racing out of his mansion and screamed at the peddler, "Iíll be danged if I let anyone pull the wool over my ice!"
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