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knittinky
New Pal

13 Posts

Posted - 11/17/2004 :  11:06:10 PM  Show Profile Send knittinky a Private Message
OMG! This thread is so funny... I almost peed my pants!

Great Knitting Humor!!!!

Bwaaaa haaaaa haaaaaaa haaaa haaa haaaaa!!!
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lella
Permanent Resident

9712 Posts

Posted - 11/17/2004 :  11:58:46 PM  Show Profile Send lella a Private Message
Oh Lordy those are funny. My DH had to run over and slap me on the back so I could catch my breath! hahahahaha!

I have a sock book that I swear was translated out of Japanese, in to Swedish and then into English. Someone here asked me what pattern I used for my first sock and I felt so bad but I was NOT going to tell them to get the book! It's horrid! You have to find things from three different pages and extrapolate from some very odd pictures just what in the H the author meant when she said the heel flap. She didn't tell you that she was talking not about the heel flap in the picture, but the one in an obscure paragraph under another list of things to do with your needles while sitting in the dark mumbling a prayer.

lella

http://zippiknits.blogspot.com/
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RachelKnitter
Permanent Resident

USA
2995 Posts

Posted - 11/18/2004 :  09:56:19 AM  Show Profile Send RachelKnitter a Private Message
quote:
Originally posted by lella

I have a sock book that I swear was translated out of Japanese, in to Swedish and then into English.


That reminds me of this hilarious book called English as She Is Spoke. This is the book description:
In 1855, when Jose da Fonseca and Pedro Carolino wrote an English phrasebook for Portuguese students, they faced just one problem: they didn't know any English. Even worse, they didn't own an English-to-Portuguese dictionary. What they did have, though, was a Portuguese-to-French dictionary, and a French-to-English dictionary. The linguistic train wreck that ensued is a classic of unintentional humor, now revived in the first newly selected edition in a century. Armed with Fonseca and Carolino's guide, a Portuguese traveler can insult a barber ("What news tell me? All hairs dresser are newsmonger"), complain about the orchestra ("It is a noise which to cleve the head"), go hunting ("let aim it! let make fire him"), and consult a handy selection of truly mystifying "Idiotisms and Proverbs."
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anderknit
Permanent Resident

USA
2594 Posts

Posted - 11/18/2004 :  12:26:11 PM  Show Profile Send anderknit a Private Message
Yes, that's it! A plaque with these instructions would be the best!

"Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying, 'I will try again tomorrow.' "
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gailholland@sympatico.ca


Posts

Posted - 11/18/2004 :  12:54:49 PM  Show Profile Send gailholland@sympatico.ca a Private Message
quote:
Originally posted by mwyn

ROTFL whew ! wiping tears from my eyes

poor workmanship is unacceptable when there's a price on it.
Poor workmanship is unacceptable PERIOD. There's always a price - our wasted yarn and time! (not to mention all the mumbling cursing and brain cramps).
Gsilie Girlie in Toronto

One who works with his hands is a laborer. With hands & head; a craftsman. With hands, head & heart an artist. (Paraphrase St. Francis of Assissi)

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JSRaymond@sbcglobal.net
New Pal

4 Posts

Posted - 11/18/2004 :  1:06:15 PM  Show Profile Send JSRaymond@sbcglobal.net a Private Message
I agree about Rowan's poorly written directions, beautiful patterns, but do they actually knit the sweaters from their own instructions or do they have some knitting guru who can't even read a pattern do the knitting? If they use their own pattern instructions to knit their samples then I am Elizabeth Zimmerman reborn! Sue

You can't finish what you don't start!
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Diane E
New Pal

2 Posts

Posted - 11/18/2004 :  1:14:06 PM  Show Profile Send Diane E a Private Message
I had to add my two cents here. I started the simplest poncho from Vogue Knitting (the one in chunky wool with the big cable down the front), and I'm happily knitting away when I come upon the dreaded "do this that and the other thing every fourth row, but only on Saturday and not when you get to the 35th or 55th row."

Very easy Vogue my bum.
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RoseByAny
Permanent Resident

USA
12598 Posts

Posted - 11/18/2004 :  1:20:34 PM  Show Profile  Visit RoseByAny's Homepage Send RoseByAny a Private Message
As Dave Barry would say, they were translated from Japanese by Mrs. Shirley Macintosh of Idaho, who doesn't actually speak Japanese, but does have most of Sho-gun on tape.

"Choose your friends by their character and your socks by their color. Choosing your socks by their character makes no sense, and choosing your friends by their color is unthinkable."
http://RoseByAny.BlogSpot.Com
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purlewe
Permanent Resident

1916 Posts

Posted - 11/18/2004 :  1:37:02 PM  Show Profile  Visit purlewe's Homepage Send purlewe a Private Message
Amie-
THAT is one of my favorite Dave Barry quotes EVER. well that and the one about the mushroom cloud over West Lafayette (my hometown) b'c of engineers using liquid oxygen to start bbq grills. (it melted them completely in less than 11 seconds or something)

I will not fear. Fear is the mind killer. -Herbert

http://www.livejournal.com/users/purlewe/
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carols
Permanent Resident

USA
1681 Posts

Posted - 11/18/2004 :  2:09:18 PM  Show Profile Send carols a Private Message
Does anyone remember the Monty Python phrase book sketch, in which the tourist is using a phrase book that translates the most banal of requests (Where is the train station?) into pervy things (I'd like to fondle your wife's bottom?)??

Carol S.
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RachelKnitter
Permanent Resident

USA
2995 Posts

Posted - 11/18/2004 :  3:03:00 PM  Show Profile Send RachelKnitter a Private Message
I also read a newspaper article years and years ago that had the most hilarious mis-translations into English from signs and leaflets from around the world. For instance, at a Car Rental place, a sign that read: "Stop. Drive Sideways." And another one, "When passenger of foot heave in sight, tootle the horn. Trumpet him melodiously at first, but if he still obstacles your path, then tootle with vigor." Or in a hotel: "You are invited to take advantage of the chamber maid."
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outcast_elf
Warming Up

USA
51 Posts

Posted - 11/18/2004 :  3:05:33 PM  Show Profile  Visit outcast_elf's Homepage Send outcast_elf a Private Message
I always thought my inability to read patterns made me a bad knitter. While reading these posts, I gasped a little, exhaled a breath and wiped my brow. This is great news!

-Lauren
http://confusionfrenzy.blogspot.com/
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Linda Bond
New Pal

United Kingdom
1 Posts

Posted - 11/18/2004 :  3:07:23 PM  Show Profile Send Linda Bond a Private Message
I've knitted that one. My husband wears it every Christmas whether he wants to or not. I think I'll knit one for the kids next.
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knotty
Chatty Knitter

228 Posts

Posted - 11/18/2004 :  4:03:06 PM  Show Profile Send knotty a Private Message
Linda Bond - photos, please!! ;)
Tabbico- Sheesh! Don't put your life on the line, but, can I ask, what exactly did you figure out from that pattern? And were 3 poofs enough? Too many?
Kendra
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droido@yahoo.com


Posts

Posted - 11/18/2004 :  4:10:34 PM  Show Profile Send droido@yahoo.com a Private Message
quote:
Originally posted by carols

Does anyone remember the Monty Python phrase book sketch, in which the tourist is using a phrase book that translates the most banal of requests (Where is the train station?) into pervy things (I'd like to fondle your wife's bottom?)??

Carol S.



"Drop your panties, Sir WIlliam, I cannot wait until lunchtime!"
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goldthreads
New Pal

0 Posts

Posted - 11/18/2004 :  4:43:38 PM  Show Profile Send goldthreads a Private Message
Oh, I have one that just about killed me. I was pregnant with daughter number two (about 20 years ago) and just a very new knitter. I decided to knit her an Aran knit baby sweater by a designer who I can't remember (probably because I burned the pattern!!) So I am dutifully knitting away and one of the rows was not right . Of course the repeat was only 32 rows. So I frogged it. And knit again. Still wrong. Rippit, knit it, rippit, knit it for about 3 hours and then I came to the wonderful realization, that the PATTERN WAS WRONG! And it was now 12 midnight on a Friday night. OK, so I am a demon for punishment! I finally figured it out myself but it was frustrating. However, the real frustration came when my dear Mother came to help with the baby and she washed my gorgeous 100% wool sweater in the washer. It now lives on a teddy bear.
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catspaw@ntelos.net


Posts

Posted - 11/18/2004 :  5:31:50 PM  Show Profile Send catspaw@ntelos.net a Private Message
Worst ones I ever saw were in the old Pingouin books. The translations from the French were cryptic, to see the least, but the craziest part was their "help" for getting gauge. They would have a helpful picture of the swatch with its measurements and stitch count. Great idea, except that when they went to print, they shrunk the photo. Just try to match that stitch gauge. It took longer than it should have for me to realize why I couldn't match the picture, no matter how hard I tried. Nice, but no cigar.
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carpe diem
Permanent Resident

1158 Posts

Posted - 11/18/2004 :  6:55:23 PM  Show Profile Send carpe diem a Private Message
quote:
Originally posted by goldthreads@hotmail.com
However, the real frustration came when my dear Mother came to help with the baby and she washed my gorgeous 100% wool sweater in the washer. It now lives on a teddy bear.


OUCH... !

Bet it's the most adorable teddy bear sweater too!

~ Lisa, Seattle
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Diva Ree
Gabber Extraordinaire

537 Posts

Posted - 11/18/2004 :  6:56:54 PM  Show Profile Send Diva Ree a Private Message
OMG, my mom won't even let us LOOK at Pingouin patterns because of her nightmare with the instructions. Years ago, when she was knitting a lot, she must have been hazed by a Pingouin pattern because to this day, when she sees their patterns you'd think she was having a hot flash.
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Snowcat
New Pal

USA
20 Posts

Posted - 11/19/2004 :  3:17:11 PM  Show Profile Send Snowcat a Private Message
I had a pattern copied from the internet that was for a carring case for a cell phone (for a gift). Any way, when it came time to make the line to fold the top down so it would keep the phone in the bag the directions told me to bind of 2 from each edge and 14 from the middle which left me a grand total of -1 stitches on my needles. Go figure. I figured that they ment to pearl the 13 in the middle so the piece would turn naturally. I did that and the cell cozy turned out just fine.


Where ever you go, there you are.
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