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sweetnsour
Chatty Knitter

USA
156 Posts

Posted - 05/24/2005 :  11:38:49 PM  Show Profile Send sweetnsour a Private Message
Ah, people are stupid. It's a shame that the people that get on your nerves the most are usually family, which you can't always avoid.

Like others have said, karma comes back to bite you in the *** eventually.

Amy

A positive attitude may not solve all your problems, but it will annoy enough people to make it worth the effort.
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SerMom
Permanent Resident

Canada
6412 Posts

Posted - 05/25/2005 :  08:23:17 AM  Show Profile Send SerMom a Private Message
quote:
Originally posted by irishmomof9

When we were young, I proudly knitted an entire layette for my husband's sister's new baby. It took a long time, but I was so proud and happy 'cause it turned out so beautifully! The new mother opened the gift, set it aside, and said "Thanks, but the baby already has one of those!"

I can't help wondering if your relationship has improved since then, or is that still the tone of it?

It's sad when ppl have to put others down in order to feel good themselves.

I have never had any negative comments (aside from "you're not going to do that here" from my sis at a restaurant), but I have had positive comments or reactions I didn't expect. Neither my late sister nor my brother are particularly gracious, so I was taking a risk when I made soemthing for each of them. Brudder got a TouchMe scarf, which he coudn't keep from rubbing his face in (he wore it, indoors, all eveining), and Sis kept telling me repeatedly how many compliments she was getting for the hat I made her.

Barbara
Remember, we're self-selecting!

My photos:
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Monkachia
Permanent Resident

USA
1224 Posts

Posted - 05/25/2005 :  10:50:43 AM  Show Profile  Visit Monkachia's Homepage Send Monkachia a Private Message
That was incredibly hurtful and rude. I think she was jealous and thought that you were intruding into her maternal territory. Obviously she can't do anything like that. I hope she doesn't treat her baby as rudely. I would offer to take the blanket back.

Chia
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MrsD1
Chatty Knitter

284 Posts

Posted - 05/25/2005 :  2:20:26 PM  Show Profile Send MrsD1 a Private Message
I get comments occasionally like, "Oh, you don't have anything else to do." or "You must really be bored." But it doesn't bother me. I knit because I love it, I do it for me and that's what makes me happy.

I would have taken the baby gift back also. That's way too much work and cost to give to someone who doesn't appreciate it. I learned the first Christmas I knitted for family that there are some people who just don't deserve such beautiful, heartfelt gifts!

Patsy
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kelty3r
Chatty Knitter

USA
109 Posts

Posted - 05/26/2005 :  12:57:30 PM  Show Profile Send kelty3r a Private Message
I once offered to knit a hat for her friend's baby shower (she needed a gift to bring). She said her friends were too materialistic and that she needed to buy a more expensive gift. Glad I asked first.

Miss Saigon rules
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busygirl
Permanent Resident

New Zealand
1673 Posts

Posted - 05/26/2005 :  1:56:33 PM  Show Profile Send busygirl a Private Message

Irishmom

I think your SIL was rude and insensitive to say the least,and obviously did not appreciate the time and effort you put into making a layette for her baby.
A few of my in-laws were in the habit of passing rather patronising remarks about my knitting,which I learnt to ignore,but I certainly would never have taken the time or trouble to knit anything for them!

Leslie
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fish
Chatty Knitter

USA
149 Posts

Posted - 05/26/2005 :  7:25:26 PM  Show Profile Send fish a Private Message
Since the majority of my knitting is hats for cancer patients and unfortunately the recovery, although getting better, isn't as frequent as one would hope so a number of recipients do not survive. Recently I mentioned to DS that a relative had been diagnosed with cancer - his reply, "Gosh Mom, don't offer to knit her a hat!" Yes, he had to fix his own dinner.
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irishmomof9
Chatty Knitter

USA
142 Posts

Posted - 05/29/2005 :  4:32:35 PM  Show Profile Send irishmomof9 a Private Message
Thank you all for your responses! This is why I LOVE KR - other knitters who know exactly how I feel! The SIL is now divorced and living with her 38-yr old dtr (also-divorced) - need I say more? Sorry, that was mean! Anyway, I have survived raising 6 great kids, as well as working 40 years as a nurse, and it was knitting that saved many a day! But, of course I "must not have had anything else to do"! Oh well, I'm still knitting - now for my grandchildren (who finally did arrive) Love you all!!!

...and may God hold you in the palm of His hand
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Kalikat
Chatty Knitter

137 Posts

Posted - 08/06/2005 :  08:02:30 AM  Show Profile Send Kalikat a Private Message
Yeah... take the gift back, donate it to a charity looking for items for children and buy her some cheapo bibs and crap from Target! Some people simply have no taste nor tact.
Kat
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luv2knit944
Permanent Resident

USA
1789 Posts

Posted - 08/06/2005 :  11:06:02 AM  Show Profile Send luv2knit944 a Private Message
It taught me to not give knitting stuff to certain people anymore.I knit quite a bit for those who appreciate it now.
I spent more money then I have for quite a while for even sending it to them for many years also.I could have bought a Cadillac.

Pauline
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Ali
New Pal

44 Posts

Posted - 08/06/2005 :  1:56:05 PM  Show Profile Send Ali a Private Message
You may not much like my reply, but I'm going to play a bit of devil's advocate here, being on the receiving end of some truly horrific gifts....

I understand that the recipient should just smile and say thank you. HOWEVER...

1. Sometimes people give gifts that, while well meant, also demonstrate a total lack of understanding of that person, and it just isn't worth keeping doing. My mum & grandma continually gave me clothes at Christmas. My mum doesn't have a sense of fashion (nearly at all) and didn't appear to pay attention to the colors or types of things I used to wear, and so I would continually get things that were fugly on me. The worst was when I was ten, and was given a shirt that looked like something a rodeo clown would wear. I burst into tears. Everyone in the family knew I loved books more than life itself, and I hinted that a gift certificate to a bookstore would thrill me. I'm still getting clothes that I give away or send to the Salvation Army. The best, yet unmeant, gift I ever got from my mum was a shopping bag full of used books.
As for baby stuff, I can understand the fun of giving a child clothes, but... I've already got clothes that get spat up on or pooped in multiple times a day (not by me! by the babe!), and I haven't even used the afghans I've knitted on the baby yet (too knotty on her skin). Give me diapers if you are really thoughtful! Save me a 35-mile trip to the wholesaler. (No, I'm not trolling for gifts, just giving an example).
I can understand wanting to give a family member, friend, or baby something homemade from a hobby you love, but rather than surprise the person, it's far more thoughtful to ask first if there's something you can make for them, because then you involve them in the process. I'm now totally absorbed with knitting, but I'm not going to run around knitting people scarves because I don't wear them, and honestly, I never see anyone else wear them. Since my mom used to ask for socks for Christmas (good lord, how boring can you get for shopping), maybe someday I'll knit some for her, but maybe I'll check first and see if that's something she'd like.

2. Some folks look at also the unspoken value or obligation of a gift and feel like you've put too much pressure on the relationship. For instance, the dreaded boyfriend/love sweater. Sure, you could get something cheaper and faster at the mall. And that's all the time and effort that the other person, maybe, wanted to invest in the relationship. But now you've invested a fair amount of money in quality yarn and maybe expensive needles (and maybe you mentioned that in the person's presence several times), and then you invested hours upon hours to make these things that weren't really a need or even want in the first place, just a luxury. Now they feel an unspoken heavy guilt obligation, and worse yet, they haven't a clue how to wash this thing (and if it's handwash only on baby gear, forget it!). In the case of the "boyfriend sweater", that's why he goes running the opposite way in the midst of the knitting or near the presentation, because it's just "too heavy, dude".
Just as a minor example, a relative mailed me a baby sweater. I didn't even figure out until about a year later that it was most likely hand-made, much less how to wash it or anything. No instructions came with it. To a then-nonknitter, that kind of thing can be sort of terrifying, to take something handmade and stick it in the washer and know you'll ruin it. You kind of want to stick it in the closet and not use it at all rather than ruin something that took hours and days and months of work.

So, sorry, but I had to stick my two cents' worth in. Conclusion: If you want to knit someone something, ask first and get their input, and then you can make something even more valuable. On the other hand, if they would really prefer something storebought, you save irritation on the giver's and recipient's parts, and you can save all that lovely yarn on something for yourself. Finally, if you still have the yen to make baby stuff or hats or afghans, see if there is someplace you can donate them (in SIL's name or otherwise), because plenty of people exist who would love to have something handmade and don't have relatives who knit or crochet (orphans, cancer patients, impoverished folk, runaways, expatriates). Heck, think of people who are stationed or working overseas far away from friends and family. The military folks are still stationed all over the world, and can pretty much wear any style of stuff when out of uniform. (Hmmmm, must contact the airmen in Alaska -- will knit hats & gloves in exchange for qiviut....).
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KnitKnut
Permanent Resident

USA
1246 Posts

Posted - 08/06/2005 :  2:03:25 PM  Show Profile Send KnitKnut a Private Message
How rude and thoughtless! I will knit ONE item for a person I want to gift, and if it doesn't get worn, or like my step-daughter did, donated to Goodwill, that person may get another. Whoever doesn't appreciate my work can go....buy their own stuff.
Hanlon's Razor has helped me through stuff like this. I've mentioned it before on this forum, and it does come in handy. It states "Never attribute to malice that which is adequately explained by stupidity." That way, you can put the offender into the appropriate "shame-on you" box while you cross them off your gift list, and your blood pressure stays down.

Marie from NC
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scubagirl1966
Chatty Knitter

105 Posts

Posted - 08/06/2005 :  3:39:35 PM  Show Profile  Visit scubagirl1966's Homepage Send scubagirl1966 a Private Message
I am woman ... I can multi task !!! ... I knit while taking ma lunch break - while watching TV .. while on the train ... while flying .. on the subway ... listing to music... people that make remarks like that at just jealous that you have such a wonderful skill - smile .. leave them to their miserable life

----------------------------------=----------------------------------------

if it`s worth doing .. it`s worth doing over the top - Freddie Mercury
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Momma78239
Permanent Resident

USA
4859 Posts

Posted - 08/07/2005 :  12:28:56 PM  Show Profile  Visit Momma78239's Homepage  Send Momma78239 a Yahoo! Message Send Momma78239 a Private Message
quote:
Originally posted by chris

But, I've met people, who, whenever you give them a gift, denigrate it. I think they have a difficult time saying thank you. However, ever after, I give them $ or gift cards and let them buy their own gifts. If they're put out by that, it's their own fault. I can't please them with my choices, let them buy their own!

chrsi (or something like that)

Keep on knittin', mama, knittin' those blues away!


If I get a response like that from anyone about any gift (I mean teens/adults who should know better, not young kids who are still learning manners), I just put them on my NO GIFTS AGAIN EVER list. No money, no gift cards. A person who is so rude as to denigrate a gift doesn't deserve to receive gifts. The most they'll ever get from me is a card.

The idea that a wedding or baby shower invitee is "obligated" to deliver a gift offends me and is one of my biggest pet peeves. The MAIN point of these events is to celebrate your happy life events with the people you love. If they want to give you a gift, that's a bonus, but in my opinion, it is offensive to exclude people from your guest list because they can't give you a gift or because you think their gift won't be generous enough.

I, personally, would rather have my cash-strapped loved ones who will truly celebrate with me, than any number of gift-bearing people who only brought a present because they felt they HAD to. As a matter of fact, my youngest son's favorite birthday party was the "backwards" party where we specified "no gifts" on the invitation, and we gave gifts to all the party-goers instead. He had a blast choosing and wrapping lovely things for all his friends!

-Wendy
Did you know God was a knitter?
"For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb." Psalm 139:13

[IMG]http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v632/Momma78239/StripyFixationribbedsocks.jpg[/IMG]
Oh, no, I'm blogging now! Click to see it!
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ScubaQueen
Seriously Hooked

USA
883 Posts

Posted - 08/17/2005 :  5:54:43 PM  Show Profile  Visit ScubaQueen's Homepage Send ScubaQueen a Private Message

So many wonderful posts alreay...but still I thought I'd throw in my 2 cents worth.

I agree with Amie who advised the Size 3 aluminums [:00].

A handmade item should be held onto forever...I have 4 blankets that were crotched by my grandmother (who has since passed). Now these weren't all made for me (only 1)...but through the years not all family members seemed concerned about keeping them...so I SNATCHED THEM UP! I'm happy to report they all reside in my house where they are dearly cherished!

I made my neice some jumpers and vests when she was a baby (sewn not knitted)...all the "purchased" items have long been tossed ....but my sister kept all the things I handmade ...they are in my neices hope chest. At some point when my niece is a grown woman...and I'm pushin up daisies...she will still have the items I made for her and know how much I loved her....and THAT my friends is what handmade gifts are all about


Life is not a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well preserved body; but rather to skid in broadside, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and loudly proclaiming: "WOW...WHAT A RIDE!!!"
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LesleyKnits
Gabber Extraordinaire

USA
502 Posts

Posted - 12/19/2005 :  09:56:32 AM  Show Profile  Visit LesleyKnits's Homepage Send LesleyKnits a Private Message
Wow, I would be CRUSHED if somebody said that to me about a gift I knitted for them. But it sounds like SIL is not too happy in life right now

I have a number of items my grandma crocheted for me and my sister when we were little - afghans, Barbie doll clothes, Christmas ornaments etc. - and they are cherished. I know she loved us a lot was always thinking of what she could make for us next and now all these items remind me of her and what a great person she was.

I have a blog! http://honeybeeknits.blogspot.com/
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