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 Sleeping in Separate Bedrooms
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frenetic@charter.net
Permanent Resident

1386 Posts

Posted - 03/16/2012 :  4:07:53 PM  Show Profile Send frenetic@charter.net a Private Message  Reply with Quote
I am tired all the time due to my DH's CPAP machine. It wakes me up countless times due to it's hissing. When DH first puts the mask on, it is very quiet, but sometime during the night, it gets an air leak somewhere and starts hissing. I have tried sleeping in a separate bedroom, but am worried that this would not be good for our relationship. However, I am a zombie during the day from lack of sleep. He has had the CPAP for a year, so I think I would be used to it by now. Any advice?
Sleepless Sharon

Katey
New Pal

14 Posts

Posted - 03/16/2012 :  4:38:12 PM  Show Profile Send Katey a Private Message  Reply with Quote
I think that sleeping in separate rooms is more common than you think it is. Your health is important. Remember, he got that CPAP so he can sleep well! You should be able to also!
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purlthis
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USA
2752 Posts

Posted - 03/16/2012 :  5:02:39 PM  Show Profile  Visit purlthis's Homepage Send purlthis a Private Message  Reply with Quote
I'm 35, married 13 years, slept separately for 7 years due to snoring. We get along SO much better.

Rachel
------------------------------------------------------
As I get older, I prefer to knit. Tracey Ullman
http://purledthis.blogspot.com/ UPDATED! WITH PICS!
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KnitKnut
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USA
1246 Posts

Posted - 03/16/2012 :  6:04:58 PM  Show Profile Send KnitKnut a Private Message  Reply with Quote
My husband had that same problem with his CPAP until he got a better-fitting mask. The first two he had weren't right for him, but persistence paid off.
There are several types of masks -- maybe a different one will work better for your hubbie.
I do still need to keep a small pillow between our faces, though, because that dang thing puts out really cold air, right into my eyes!
Good luck with this.

Marie from NC
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Shalee
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USA
2042 Posts

Posted - 03/16/2012 :  6:38:07 PM  Show Profile  Visit Shalee's Homepage Send Shalee a Private Message  Reply with Quote
My husband not only snored but also took the covers! He'd grab the covers, roll over with them, then roll back on top of them! After he was asleep I would carefully get out of bed, go the another bedroom and get some sleep. I was the one that always got up first. This went on for months before he found out. He was crushed that he was the reason I couldn't get any sleep! When we moved we got a house with a large master bedroom and had separate beds. Then we moved again, 16 years later, and got a retirement home where we had a seperate bedrooms. It didn't hurt our relationship and I was able to get some sleep. Sure, I would have loved to sleep next to him but it just wasn't to be.

Sharon in NW PA
I always wanted my own library but I didn't realize it would be all knitting books!


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Grand-moogi
Seriously Hooked

Australia
783 Posts

Posted - 03/16/2012 :  11:21:30 PM  Show Profile Send Grand-moogi a Private Message  Reply with Quote
I feel for you all. We have been married 44 years and I would hate it if we could not sleep together. It has nothing to do with sex of course. It is the companionship thing.
I snore very loudly but my husband says he does not care. Whenever he snores or makes funny noises - he suffers with asthma, I just think of all the widows who would probably much prefer that their hubbie was asleep in the bed next to them making whatever noise they needed to make.
That said, I think in your situation I would sleep in another room. I would even try to have an adjoining door put in if that were possible. You can always make it a ritual; to get in bed for a cuddle for a few minutes or have him come to your bed at some time for a cuddle before sleeping separately then you might feel less alone.
Hope things work out.


I knit a hug into every stitch
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jtamsn
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USA
1681 Posts

Posted - 03/17/2012 :  05:28:51 AM  Show Profile Send jtamsn a Private Message  Reply with Quote
I agree with Marie. I would have hubby check with his vendor and have the machine and tubing check to make sure they are not the source of the leak and to offer opitons of different style of mask that may fit him better and may be more comfortable for him. Sleep apnea is certainly a challenging condition. My brother uses bipap and has the additional noise of the oxygen concentrator.
judy
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frenetic@charter.net
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1386 Posts

Posted - 03/17/2012 :  05:51:23 AM  Show Profile Send frenetic@charter.net a Private Message  Reply with Quote
DH has changed masks several times and also added a chin strap which he does not use for some reason. He did have one mask that did not leak but fit too tight and caused his face to swell. He likes the mask he is using now as far as comfort goes and seems reluctant to change it. Our relationship has had its ups and downs since he retired 2 years ago, thus my hesitation on moving to a different bedroom. However, if I am cranky due to lack of sleep, that is not good for our relationship either. In addition, DH goes to bed later than I do (our dogs get me up early) and he likes to read for a long time after going to bed, whereas I am so tired, that I read for 5 minutes and fall asleep. Also, he gets up several times to go to the bathroom and that wakes me as well. So truly, we are on different schedules and have different routines for falling asleep.
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Milinda
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USA
3817 Posts

Posted - 03/17/2012 :  12:48:51 PM  Show Profile Send Milinda a Private Message  Reply with Quote
One's health is important and that involves getting adequate sleep. If one is lucky enough to have a situation where sleeping together works for all involved, fantastic. Otherwise, what is the point to suffer and erode the quality of a relationship by not being compatible with one's sleeping habits? As long as your husband is made to understand that it is the situation which is making you exhausted and that it has nothing to do with not wanting his companionship, then I think two reasonable adults can work this out and not take anything personally. I wish you luck.

M L
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frenetic@charter.net
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1386 Posts

Posted - 03/17/2012 :  4:50:52 PM  Show Profile Send frenetic@charter.net a Private Message  Reply with Quote
DH suggested sleeping in separate rooms but I felt guilty. Since he is retired, I see him all day long, so it is not such a hardship to be apart during the night. I agree that sleeping well is so crucial for good health!
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Nanaknit
Chatty Knitter

287 Posts

Posted - 03/17/2012 :  6:54:03 PM  Show Profile Send Nanaknit a Private Message  Reply with Quote
When our last daughter moved out I took over her bedroom. I didn't realize how sleep deprived I was until I got a couple of good night's sleep. We got along much better once I wasn't a sleep deprived witch. Laying there night after night listening to him snore made me realize there are justified reasons for smothering your DH with a pillow lol.

Linda

"Do what you feel in your heart to be right - for you'll be criticized anyway. You'll be damned if you do, and damned if you don't."
-Eleanor Roosevelt
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hillstreetmama
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USA
3448 Posts

Posted - 03/18/2012 :  11:06:12 AM  Show Profile Send hillstreetmama a Private Message  Reply with Quote
One of the most loving couples I ever knew (they just passed away a year ago, ages 97 and 99) had separate bedrooms since berfore I met them 32 years ago.

DH and I have talked of having separate bedrooms, but the problem is, we both want the same one. Our extra bedroom on the main floor gets too warm in the summer, and is chilly in the winter. I suggested that he take it in the summer, and I'll take it in the winter, but so far we've done nothing. It's also the room with the computer, and often he's still on it when I go to bed.

We're also talking of moving, so hopefully that will happen, and solve our bedroom issues, too. However, I WOULD have to change my login name...

Jan
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frenetic@charter.net
Permanent Resident

1386 Posts

Posted - 03/18/2012 :  12:01:32 PM  Show Profile Send frenetic@charter.net a Private Message  Reply with Quote
I read that 60% of new built homes have 2 Master Bedrooms!
Sharon
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Milinda
Permanent Resident

USA
3817 Posts

Posted - 03/18/2012 :  1:24:01 PM  Show Profile Send Milinda a Private Message  Reply with Quote
quote:
Originally posted by frenetic@charter.net

DH suggested sleeping in separate rooms but I felt guilty. Since he is retired, I see him all day long, so it is not such a hardship to be apart during the night. I agree that sleeping well is so crucial for good health!



:: If he suggested this in the first place, then do NOT feel guilty. Seriously. Do what you need for your health. He has done so by getting his breathing straightened out at night. He has to be feeling so very much better in that it makes such a difference in the quality of sleep and therefore the daily living of life. Now it is your turn to do the same for you. I think you will find that you two get along a great deal better with sleep issues out of the way. Nobody is at his/her best when deprived of sleep and it doesn't take long for one's health to deteriorate without good rest. Health comes first and all things fall into place after that.

M L
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frenetic@charter.net
Permanent Resident

1386 Posts

Posted - 03/18/2012 :  3:49:23 PM  Show Profile Send frenetic@charter.net a Private Message  Reply with Quote
Thank you sweet knitting friends! I have slept in the spare (formerly son's who just moved out) bedroom for the past 2 nights and feel better already! I just love that I can come here for heartfelt advice <3
Sharon
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