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 Whats for Mother Day??????
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donnawatk
Seriously Hooked

761 Posts

Posted - 05/03/2012 :  03:28:07 AM  Show Profile Send donnawatk a Private Message  Reply with Quote
Yesterday my daughter said Mom what gift can I get you for mothers day. I think she thinks she can read my mind. She then said I'm not buying yarn or needles so is there any thing else you need. I wasn't thinking knitting I was thinking if I could just walk past her room and it was clean would be gift enough. Little did she know I have been leaving hints around the house for her brother. There is a Namaste bag that I like.Donna

Grand-moogi
Seriously Hooked

Australia
783 Posts

Posted - 05/03/2012 :  06:03:18 AM  Show Profile Send Grand-moogi a Private Message  Reply with Quote
Instead of telling your daughter that you would like her to clean her room for Mothers Day why not say how it would be nice if you could sit and chat with her in her room for a little mothers day visit but her room would have to be clean and tidy of course. One does not invite visitors to a messy room.
Hmmm maybe she would see through that?


I knit a hug into every stitch
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donnawatk
Seriously Hooked

761 Posts

Posted - 05/03/2012 :  11:05:16 AM  Show Profile Send donnawatk a Private Message  Reply with Quote
Grand-moogi the problem would be that she thinks her room looks lived in, what ever that means.Donna
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NastiJ
Permanent Resident

1288 Posts

Posted - 05/03/2012 :  4:22:57 PM  Show Profile Send NastiJ a Private Message  Reply with Quote
And what will matter more to you at some future date when she is gone from your house, and maybe even from your life - that you were able to talk with her, or that you were able to bend her to your will and make her clean up her room to your standards?

Nancy J.

"Learning how to knit was a snap.It was learning how to stop that nearly destroyed me." Erma Bombeck
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donnawatk
Seriously Hooked

761 Posts

Posted - 05/04/2012 :  06:07:27 AM  Show Profile Send donnawatk a Private Message  Reply with Quote
I don't want any of you to read me wrong I'm close to my son and my daughter. My kids are around me all the time. My hubby died when my kids were kid were 4 years and almost 2. Its not that I want her to clean her room to my standards I just would like her to clean it. My daughter has a closet that has nothing hanging. I'm not trying to bend her to my will. She is not a baby she is 18 years old and my son is 21. I don't know about you but when I was growing up the first thing you did was to make your bed before leaving your room. Donna
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Grand-moogi
Seriously Hooked

Australia
783 Posts

Posted - 05/05/2012 :  07:10:00 AM  Show Profile Send Grand-moogi a Private Message  Reply with Quote
I understand where you are coming from. If you really strip away the emotions, the real reasons you would like her to keep her room tidy would be along the lines of (1) So she can find things when she needs them and so they are maintained in reasonable condition. (2) so you know she can cope with life when she is on her own because the clutter busters tell us that untidiness makes us have greater difficulty with coping.
My daughter has suffered with depression and she has told me that when her room gets untidy it is harder to deal with the depression. She says she also sleeps better in a tidy room.
All that said, you are not alone. I can't complain because I am not the tidiest person myself although since we moved into this house where we actually have room to put things, the whole clean and tidy thing is easier to abide by.


I knit a hug into every stitch
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knitree
Seriously Hooked

688 Posts

Posted - 05/06/2012 :  7:06:15 PM  Show Profile Send knitree a Private Message  Reply with Quote
When my daughter's room becomes unacceptable to me, I let her know. I think she just doesn't like to take the time to clean, but once she starts she does a pretty good job - which happens about once a month I'd estimate. To nudge her along, I usually just state that I am not comfortable doing xyz with her until her room is clean. It is the truth. And a natural consequence. Am I bending her to my will? I don't know, and don't particularly mind if I am. She is 13. She needs to know how to clean, do laundry, cook simple meals, etc. It is all part of growing up.

Tree
Taking simple patterns and complicating them...
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One Stitch at a Time
Chatty Knitter

294 Posts

Posted - 05/07/2012 :  07:50:11 AM  Show Profile Send One Stitch at a Time a Private Message  Reply with Quote
I think it's wonderful that your 18 year old daugther is asking what you would like for Mother's Day. She wants to treat you to something that would make you feel good because she loves you and wants to honor you. Enjoy opening a gift and the joy she feels in giving it to you.

As far as cleaning her room goes, I understand your frustration very well. Take her for lunch and have a frank discussion about how important it is to you that she make a greater effort to keep her room clean and neat. Sometimes even they are overwhelmed by the mess, so offer to help her this time, but let her know you expect her to maintain it once it's done.

If that doesn't work, keep her door closed (and the window open)....

Nanci
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